Breaking Bad “Keeping the Opening Paragraph Spoiler Free” fun time event number two: you should all click this link to see my very favorite BB meme ever. The only one that even comes close is the gifset of Cranston in his roller skate duds set to the tune of “I am the one who knocks.”
OK, now that I’ve made sure that the preview panel is completely spoiler free, let’s get down to business. What did we learn from tonight’s episode? We learned that Vince Gilligan’s teasers are giant red herrings, kmc1138 maybe reads a little too much into episode titles, and that Todd is one of the most horrifying characters of all time. We also learned that HOLY CRAP you need to remember to extend your TIVO time or whatever the hell you fancy people do, because if you missed the last two minutes of tonight’s episode, I am so sorry.
So, Todd. Right? Astoundingly scary. His total lack of insight and his complete lack of morals combined with his “yes ma’am” exterior all add up to a quietly genius character. It’s easy to forget Todd in this world of outspoken villainy, and therein lies the brilliance. Todd made his first solo cook tonight, matched Heisenberg’s quality by 76%, but burnt the blue right out of the batch. Lydia was displeased. A bunch of mundane stuff happened (was anyone else completely creeped out by Todd, the cup, and the lipstick?), Huell had a great scene, Hank bought some brains… And then at 10:46, it all got ugly. Real ugly.
I fear my reviews will just keep getting shorter these last few episodes. As I mention constantly, there’s not much to “review” because the show is brilliant. So let’s just rave about the 16 minutes of pure unadulterated tension that closed the episode. I literally screamed at Walter so loudly my dog ran under the bed. And I don’t even know why!! I am in no way rooting for him! But do I want him to go down like a bitch in the Sarlacc Pit? Well, no. Last week I posed a question regarding the things that might be left that can be used to hurt Walter. Turns out it was indeed the money, and though he states it is still, in fact, to take care of his family after he is gone, are any of us buying that at this point? I debated on this ruse for a bit during the commercials: Would Walter really fall for something so very obvious? He had all the clues. Huell is missing, Jesse is pissed… Would the man that has outsmarted so many fall for such a prank? But then I came to the conclusion that when it comes to money, yes. He absolutely would. That’s what it’s been about all along, really. Innocent fundraising, so to speak, at first, but then greed allowed Heisenberg to take over. Does Walt even exist anymore?
At the three-quarter mark, Walter found himself cornered in the desert. He made a call to take care of the rabid dog but then cancelled when he realized Hank was Jesse’s escort. Bryan Cranston deserves every Emmy ever for the rest of time based solely on those quick, silent minutes he spent in handcuffs. That, friends and neighbors, is what the devil looks like. It seemed our man had hit the end of the road and I wondered how – based on the openers from the top and bottom half of the season – the writers would cram an arrest and escape and loose ends in to only three more episodes.
But then I realized Walter was wearing a blue shirt, and things were looking just a little too good for Hank, and then the cancelled cavalry arrived. I can’t remember the last time I sat with my hands clamped on my gaping mouth during a television show. The show ended on a cliffhanger, but – and if you haven’t watched the episode yet I STRONGLY encourage you to stop reading right here and now – let’s face it. Hank and Marie were happy. Six meth heads against two DEA agents. We know that Walter is alive and not imprisoned on his 52nd birthday. I don’t think Hank will be leaving the desert. Jesse is still a wild card, hiding in a car without a weapon, but he could still make it a couple more episodes. But Hank? I think his fate is sealed.
That being said, looks like I might have to publish the poll results after next week’s episode instead of before the finale as I had planned. Some of the questions therein might be moot by this time next week, but please keep voting! “Breaking Bad” can throw even the most intuitive viewer for the best of loops.