REVIEW: American Horror Story 3.9 – “Head”

American Horror Story’s mid-season finale is called “Head.” Those of us who are current on the show know the probable reason for this (and I won’t spoil that, just in case, in the preview). Ye tho’ you have no reason to take me as honest, I promise you I am typing this intro at 9:22 EST, just as I promise you there will be at least one beej reference before the end of the episode.

10:47 – Aaaaaaaaand there it is. 

Do you guys know what a jam comic is? It’s when a bunch of cartoonists get together, usually in a moist and crowded Motel 6 double, and create a comic together. The first artist draws the first panel and with no comment or guidance hands it off to the next cartoonist. Sometimes I think that this is how the writing for AHS works. But something is happening. Something unforeseen and completely out of character for Auntie kmc1138. I think… no, wait. Yeah. The show got good.

I blame Tim Minear. Feel free to peruse any previous reviews and you’ll notice that most of the Minear episodes are the ones I celebrate, and “Head” is a prime example.

The show opened on a bit of backstory involving Derwood. Turns out he’s from a long line of witch hunters.  It made him no less repugnant and seemed to have little purpose other than letting us know that he wasn’t just a money grubby hitman. But his lineage will have cataclysmic effects on all the powers of New Orleans. Clever plot development! That’s a chug my friends.

Fiona returned Delphine’s head to the Corn Row, but Queenie disobeyed Marie’s orders to burn it. She claimed she’d release Delphine to death but only after the old biddy learned and understood and respected the struggles of African Americans. Again Kathy Bates shows her comedic muscle – she can get laughs even without a body. Her ability to make Delphine the Fool is commendable as it draws all the power out of her hate without erasing it. She is not sinister or conniving but we never forget that she is cruel and ignorant.

I bet Frances Conroy is having the time of her life. Myrtle is so extravagant and opulent, her conversations border on theatrical monologue without seeming rehearsed (in character, that is – Myrtleception) and I am beginning to believe her sincerity. As of tonight it’s almost certain that Myrtle did not assault Cordelia, and that mystery has floated a little higher in the air. Myrtle bestowed a mismatched set of eyes to Cordelia, and gleefully disposed of the eyes’ owners, and though she restored sight she cancelled the visions. A clue that Cordelia is not the supreme? Perhaps. But one thing is certain on American Horror Story: It never makes sense. No, wait – the only certainty is that nothing is certain. Yes. Sure sure sure.

We’re also shown that Derwood has been a lifelong disappointment to not only his father, but the order of hunters in general. His assassinations have been rogue and his association with Marie is wildly frowned upon. So after Cordelia rejects him, Fiona taunts him (a Derwood was SO CLOSE you guys!), and Marie tortures him, he does what any unstable witch hunter would do. Loses his shit and executes all but two in the Corn Row. Queenie survived a shot to the stomach (because it could take days to die and if you just read that in Harvey Keitel’s voice I kind of want to be your BFF), and just as Marie’s centuries are about to end, the human voodoo doll eats the butt of a gun and splatters Derwood’s brains on the wall. The voodoo doll saved the voodoo queen, and yet another tie in to the episode title – that ain’t just a chug that’s a drink everything in the goddamn house.

The slaughter leads Marie to Dirty American Hogwarts, as an alliance is now inevitable. Fiona silently and humbly invites Marie in, and smirks as the door closes on the episode. My hope is that Misty can help most of Marie’s family return in time for all the powers to take on the hunters.

Tim Minear, ladies and gentlemen. That was good stuff. Do I have quibbles? I sure do! Good lord I haven’t completely lost my shit. So here they be:

I don’t understand the point of the Ramsey family. Not yet anyway. It seemed to have a twist, a reveal, and a closure all in one episode. I’m certainly not an expert but I can’t really see what could come of more Joan Ramsey, but I will tell you this: If the season culminates in a victory that requires witches and priestesses and Jesus I will puke blood. Because that would be stupid.

Delphine’s regret is problematic. Maybe even more so than the fact that her head is still in the salon and no one knows it because Queenie was supposed to burn her. At any rate, as I’ve mentioned before, her “redemption” has been shallow and insincere and I struggle with tonight’s turnaround being even remotely believable. “Darkie” this and “negress” that to BLAMMO tears for all the injustice and inhuman acts she wrought? Were her tears for regret or for the mass murder she could hear and not prevent in the salon below? The choices made in filming those scenes were a bit unclear to me on that note. And speaking of all the gunshots, I also find it moderately hard to digest Marie being relegated to pleading eyes and a shaking hand when she’s the 209 year old Queen of Voodoo and Derwood had already shot everyone in the house. She kinda had an idea what was going on, yeah? But it’s all right because Angela Bassett just makes me completely happy.

Fiona found Frankenkyle and because she is awesome at witch stuff restored him immediately. So there’s that. Not seeing much of a point there either just yet, but there will be no more screaming and hopefully no grunting, so I’ll take it. There was just a hint of “I put the dog’s brain in your boy toy” in her comments, but I don’t think that’s a thing that would make him able to play cards and not grunt.

I will admit to my quibbles being petty in the shadow of such a good episode. And beyond the tonight’s quality something incredibly encouraging and powerful occurred to me about the importance of this season on the whole. Yes, there are men and yes there are young women, but for the most part this chapter of American Horror Story revolves around three women who are over fifty years old. Four if you count Myrtle, which I totally do because she’s become just as important in the scheme of things as of this episode. I should probably go to bed because I now have the giggles over incomplete “Golden Girls” metaphors (Delphine is totally Sophia you guys), but seriously – it hasn’t happened since that sitcom aired its last episode 21 years ago. While the gap is depressing, the presence and success is refreshing and encouraging.

We’re on hiatus until January 8, 2014. I need a clever word for the AHS hiatus – we have “hellatus” for “Supernatural” and “heateus” for “Hannibal,” so let’s have some clever wordplay in the comments, along with what you’re looking forward to most – is it the glimpse of what could only be Papa Legba? The promise of Marie and Fiona (Dorothy and Blanche, dur) in cahoots against The Man? Or is it perhaps the super special guest star….