This is a guest post by Jason Taukiuvea. He can usually be found harassing BigShinyRobot in some form or another. You can find him on Twitter (@JasonTauk) or Instagram (@JasonTaukiuvea).
Geekiness is started when you’re young. If you think about what your pop culture passions are I’d be willing to bet that they started when you were small and they seemed like the most important aspects of your young life. My childhood was when I was introduced to the amazing world of real wrestling or as the layman calls it, the WWE (I never got into that fake Olympic bullshit). Lamentably, it’s only been in my latter years of existence that I’ve embraced my inner geek. I’ve never been forthcoming about my love of Star Wars, Final Fantasy, comic books, or the wrastles until I became old enough to not give a shit. Unfortunately, many don’t agree with my assessment that wrestling qualifies as a geek phenomenon. Many also like the taste of fish, so fuck those guys.
Think about it. Professional wrestling is basically a real life episodic comic book. A new issue comes out every week and there are constant cliff hangers. The storylines have an arc and once they’re over with, the baby faces find a new heel to feud with. Everybody critiques or praises the fact that nobody can stay dead in a comic book, well, in the world of wrestling nobody ever really dies. As far as other media is concerned, statistically speaking, it’s more ingrained in pop culture than every other television show out there. The WWE’s flagship show “Monday Night Raw” holds the title of longest running weekly episodic television program. Aww, are you going to be okay you poor browncoats?
The unattainable physiques amid wrestlers come straight out of a comic book or movie. I’d wager that the closest thing we’ll ever get to a real life Rob Liefeld drawing is somewhere between professional wrestlers and that lady who wants to become an actual Barbie doll. Most wrestlers have made questionable decisions in the fashion department, not unlike almost EVERY single comic book character. The costumes they don every week can be so flamboyant that they’d feel right at home in the latest issue of Vibe. Vibe sucks. Hell, some of them even wear masks. Rey Mysterio rocks a Spiderman mask on a regular basis and his performance in the ring give some credence to the oft asked question of whether or not a superhero could perform in such garish attire. Watch Sin Cara or Rey Mysterio perform in a wrestling ring and you may look at the Bonesaw WRESTLING scene from Spiderman in a new light meaning that Rey and Sin Cara are infinitely more talented than Spiderman in his doofy suit.
Don’t get me started on the physical side of it either. Superhuman agility? Watch a luchador fight for five minutes. Strength? Cesaro, perched on the top turnbuckle, lifted Mark Henry from the apron on the outside of the ring and suplexed him into the middle of the squared circle last week. Mark fucking Henry! Homeboy weighs around four bills. Invincibility? (except Owen Hart, I’m still busted up about that one) I once watched Jeff Hardy and Shane McMahon fall off of scaffolding that was at least thirty feet high. Everybody remembers watching mankind get thrown off the top of the hell in a cell and eventually through it. Dude wrestled with punctured lungs and all. These guys and gals are superheroes, IRL!
The language and catchphrases used on a weekly basis have permeated popular culture, if you smell what this bot is cooking. I’m going to be dating myself, which I’d love to do because I’m handsome, but I remember a time in high school that all we’d do is quote Jim Carrey movies and wrestling catchphrases. How many shirts do you see emblazoned with “Austin 3:16” or “know your role”? These saying were and still to some extent are staples in even the most everyday, mundane conversation. Much like “get the hell out of dodge” or “in like Flynn/flint” wrestling sayings have probably ninja-ed their way into your vocabulary without you even knowing where they come from and that’s the bottom line. It’s true. It’s true.
Point is, I could draw parallels between wrestling and any comic book, movie, or television show that is chock full of geek cred and wrestling will probably do it just as good if not better. I could go on about the promos wrestlers cut that sound like villainous soliloquies, characters having to put aside their differences and work together or the fighters who turn on each other in order to convince you that wrestling deserves a place in this world of geekdom. I could tell you about how last week Damien Sandow came down to the ring in full Magneto garb just to get hip tossed by Hugh “wolverine” Jackman (and I just did). We could discuss how everybody out there reading this article that is older than eighteen grew up shaking every rope they saw or beating their chests on a regular basis. Everybody who is of age remembers being a Hulkamaniac or feeling betrayed when Sean Michaels kicked Marty Jannetty square in his mullet sporting head. These are events and moments that are intrinsically connected to our childhoods, not unlike just about every other geek topic. So, to put the nail in the coffin (haha, Undertaker) on the argument of whether or not there is a place for professional wrestling in the geek world I’ll ask but one question, brother: Did you grow up saying your prayers and eating your vitamins?