Top Ten Reasons Why Star Wars Sucks!
Monday, October 12th, 2009 at 2:09 pm Category: Humor, Movies, News, Tee Time With Dr. Cyborg, comedyAnd Here we go!
10) The Phantom Menace
As far as the movies go, this is a low. Not just because of annoying characters introduced (not excluding them either) but simply because it was boring. Most people forget how boring it was. The reason for this, I think, is because of how boring it actually was. Kind of like a boring catch-22.
One thing I hear a lot is that Jar-Jar was the reason the movie was bad. But In a way Jar-Jar makes this movie better. And in no way do I mean that he was entertaining or fun. The reason he makes it better is that his being so ridiculously annoying distracts from everything else that went wrong in the picture. I mean it’s easy for me to think the pod race was cool in contrast to Jar-Jar. It wasn’t until the Pod Race video game came out that I realized the veil that was pulled over my eyes.
9) Anakin Skywalker Through The Ages
Starting with how annoying he was in Phantom Menace, and god was he annoying in Phantom Menace. “It’s working, It’s working!” Geez. It’s hard to imagine how it could get any worse. But it does. Hayden Christensen. It makes me think that ‘Bad Acting’ was a listed requirement to get an audition. If the prequels weren’t a mistake he sure made them feel like one. Not to mention the cartoon voice actors that now have to imitate his stiff line reading (as opposed to acting.)
“A little more stale and more rehearsed.” I can hear the voice director saying.
C-3PO
I actually enjoyed him in the first three movies. Somehow. Before George Lucas had to rub our faces in the fact that he is capable of creating the most annoying characters ever conceived in the sci-fi genre. It’s truly amazing how much of your time George was allowed to waste depicting how much trouble C-3PO could get into when his head was placed onto the body of a battle droid. This wasn’t funny. This was stupid.
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7) Jar-Jar Binks
I don’t think I need to say much about Jar-Jar, but I do wonder if it’s a coincidence that this character was introduced to the Star Wars universe only a short year after Ferngully 2: The Magical Rescue?
6) The Special Editions
I could get behind the whole special edition thing if it was going to bring something better to the universe. Even if that thing was just digitally adding dewbacks into the background. I mean who wouldn’t want to see that? Well that is pretty dumb. But what I really don’t like is the new Jabba’s palace scene. I think that was the most flagrant waste of time I have ever scene. Tantamount to giving Urkel a wedgie.
5) Because it has no balls
When you pit R2-D2 against a super battle droid it’s literally painful to watch them not blow the shit out of him. Wiping the Gungans off of the face of Naboo wouldn’t have hurt either. Although I will say that Luke blowing up the Death Star strangely works for me.
4) The Star Wars Holiday Special
Some might think it’s low of me to bring this up as a reason Star Wars sucks.
“Oh come on, everyone makes a mistake now and again.” They might say.
But since it was made, and some unfortunate people had to suffer through all two hours of it, I think it’s a healthy reminder to us why we shouldn’t support franchises. As one who had the dishonor of watching several minutes of this myself, I would like to remind some of you of just how bad it was.
Does anyone remember Chewbacca’s son Lumpy? Or his father Itchy? And I wonder why his wife wasn’t brought up in the actual movies?
3) The Ewok Adventures
While watching this I want everyone to take note of the fact that George Lucas has a writing credit.
He did this to you. (He’s also personally responsible for taping Carrie Fisher’s boobs to her chest in the first film.)
I want everyone also to note the fact that Swank-mo-tron bought it on both VHS, and then DVD. “For the kids.” He said.
2) The Clone Wars: Theatre Release
Jabba the Hutt’s kidnapped son? They wanted people to pay to see this?…Really?….Really?
1) Star Wars is Forever
The thing that sucks the most about the series is that it doesn’t know when to stop, and will never stop. No matter how much torture it puts us through, no matter how horrible the live action show ends up being, no matter if scientist prove that watching Star Wars deforms children, it will never stop. There’s a very good chance that in thirty years your childrens, childrens, children will be asking you to buy them the new Star Wars dream house, complete with Darth Vader’s motorcycle, and it makes me sick.
Responses to “Top Ten Reasons Why Star Wars Sucks!”
Very funny! But if you judge any franchise by its ten worst items, then I guess eveyrthing sucks.
The Ewok movies are so bad, and yet I still have fond childhood memories. I must’ve been 5 or so when Caravan of Courage came on, and that giant monster scared the crap out of me!
You know you’ve made something really great when people waste their time trying to come up with the top ten reasons why it sucks. Star Wars Forever!
You fail at life. I well and truly feel sorry for you. Maybe you should go watch your twilight movie. instead of putting down the best franchise of all time. douche bag.
The content contained in this post does not reflect the opinions of the editors of this site. And is ridiculous. Dr. Cyborg, you know better.
I guess you are a big fan, you know a lot about it.
George Lucas has always sticked to his believes, and kept his promisses.
He’s a great storyteller and he founded the biggest movie FX companie ever.
Just in case my blog post hasn’t already been brought to the writer’s attention:
http://erier2003.blogspot.com/2009/10/in-defense-of-star-wars.html
In some respects Doc Cy is correct there are things about Star Wars that are cringe worthy (the Christmas Special), silly (Ewoks aka killer comunistic treehugging hippie teddy bears from outer space), and just plain bad (the throat crushing nightmare of my childhood should never of been made to say yippie or been played by an actor who had a perpetual pouty face). But to say that the franchise sucks and here is why, is silly. Now I don’t know if I would call Star Wars the best sci fi franchies out there but it is one of the most copious which menas some of what is produced will be briliant and some will be Sith Lords on motorcyles. Some of the merchandise, toys, book, tv shows (anyone remember the saturday morning ewok cartoon) that were produced was compleate schlock. And anyone who does not relize that fact is dulusional.
That said I also think that the good Doctor has missed the point on Star Wars almost compleatly. It is a modern myth or fairy tale and those stories were told to entertain young and old alike, but mostly the young. The fact that the prequells we see as adults don’t live up to the movies we first saw in our youth is not George’s fault. It is a product of us growing older. The fact that the Star Wars movies are childern’s movies that are at all watchable by, or enjoyable for, adults is a testiment to George Lucas’s storytelling ability. Am I saying that the Prequell is a treasure trove of decent acting and good dialouge. No I am not beacuse it isn’t. However neither is the orgirinal if one can look at it as an objective adult rather than a the six yearold child that I was turn into while watching it.
Whoa, easy there Swank, I think everyone understands that all us bots here have our likes and dislikes and they represent us on an individual bot level, not always BSR! as a whole!
My two cents, though:
I am someone who loves and hates so much about the Star Wars universe. I think the Clone Wars cartoon is probably one of the best things Star Wars has done in a long time, and I am not a big fan of the prequels. Trust me when I say, when I gripe about what I hate about Star Wars, I am fully aware of the appeal it has to others. I assure you that the good Dr. has a very firm grasp on Star Wars and his complaints are legit.
Where a lot of you differ I think is the fact that this is enough for Dr. Cyborg to hate so much about Star Wars, where as a lot of you acknowledge these short-comings but are a lot more forgiving.
And @leaktime…
You’re probably the biggest douche here for claiming someone fails at life and is a douchebag for not loving your beloved Star Wars. It’s a flawed franchise, just like all the rest.
This website is totally right. I have never thought about it this way. Starwars is just a waste of time. IT really does nothing for you but take away time from your life.
this site has it all wrong! the idoit who wrote it has no idea what he’s talking about. yes there have been weak points in star wars history like the holiday special, but that is no reason to say that the franchise sucks entirly. i was very disapointed about the remarks about the clone wars movie. the guy who wrote thisis most likley 40 years old, when the intended audience is for young people. and lastly Star wars created modern cinema, and deserves more respect than you are giving it.
Dont pay attention to kantam fan #1 he is wrong star wars is a waste especially when you have 40 and 50 year old men dressing up and re-enacting the scenes from starwars. It is a waste and nothing good. If anything the people that have wasted their whole life on starwars should make you rethink if starwars is a real thing to strive for in your life. Come on this is ridiculous how big star wars has gotten it needs to die like everything else at one point everything dies.
Star Wars needs to stop and let the world move it on, Its over for the Star Wars industry.
Star Wars Sucks.
As the author of this post, I don’t really have much to say in defense of my post or the comments. I am actually just enjoying the conversation. Although I just want to reply to one comment from Kyle Katarn, which is, The Clone Wars movie sucked. The television show that is now on its second season is also made for kids, and doesn’t suck nearly as bad. The plot line of Jabba the Hutt’s kidnapped son is a stupid idea. For adults and kids alike, it’s not my fault I have standards.
can’t believe how you’re arguing and resorting to name-calling over this. I happen to love Star Wars and will be seeing it ‘in concert’ next month, but i agree with both sides. Chill out people.
NO STAR WARS STINKS
I am a huge fan of Star WArs. I know the movies wasn’t that good, but the expanded universe is another thing. If you don’t even know anything of the expanded universe, then you can suck a dogs balls. Star Wars is the greatest.
Darth Vader and Boba Fett’s motorcycles are apart of the expanded universe. I think you need to refine your definition.
i was collecting action figures of SW years ago, and i relized so fast that i was my time. Its not a hobby, it controls your life. thise are toys, grow up people. i see some 40 years old weirdos presenting their new acquisition on internet and it make me sad. Lucas is nothing else then a toys seller thats sit, even de video games sucks.
If I understood you correctly, which I reasonably doubt. You think that Star Wars toys are an addictive substance, and it would be hazardous for an adult to collect them. Additionally you believe that George Lucas is just a glorified toy seller, and his video games suck.
Well I guess I can get behind that. Thanks for the comment Smelly.
Well, that was pointless. In most of the reasons, you didn’t actually give a freakin reason
. Better luck next time on being interesting. But yes most of his video games do suck xD
If you are referring to the actual post. I’m going to have to disagree with you. The headlines next to every number are the reasons.
Going into a blurb paragraph after, sometimes explains the reason, or else leaves it up to your imagination.
Conclusively proving you don’t have a soul!
P.S. I would get that checked out by a real doctor.
although i get the motorcycle deal Star Wars is still awesome, and actually the worst movie ever is Twilight new moon, can’t fight the facts. it don’t hurt to dream u know, cuz we’re all in the system of entertainment, and there’s nothing we can do about it. I like the trilogy but not the extra shit like clone wars. it’s not a waste of time. douche bag.
o and Qwerty the vid games don’t suck
the best game is BAttle Front 2 B-I-OTCH!!!!!!!!!!! XD
Just ran across this post. Finally, someone admits “Star Wars” pretty much sucks. Which it does. It’s perhaps the most overrated, over-adored, over-marketed, over-commercialized, over-done piece of pop culture out there. Sadly, its brainwashed “fans” just make George richer and richer.
“Clone Wars” doesn’t only suck on its own, it has made “Star Wars” into nothing more than a dull cartoon for kids.
The last 10 years of “Star Wars” have actually fostered an active DISTASTE for “Star Wars” in my mind. The whole thing basically, yeah, just sucks. But I can admit that it was once good. THIRTY YEARS AGO.
I didn’t even know we were still debating this. Star Wars sucks balls. Do you know why?
Because when I was a young boy the first 3 movies came along and became part of my DNA. As I grew I pondered that somewhere in a Galaxy far far away something awesome was going down.
Then…..
Suddenly the next installment came along and I felt like that same DNA turned to infested crap. Now I don’t ever stare up wondering what is happening in that Galaxy far far away. I don’t care cos it turns out Darth Vader was really a terrible actor who had no ability to connect emotionally with anyone (particularly the audience). How can you care about the Messiah (symbolic) turning evil if you don’t even care about the Messiah?
I did a test with my 3 kids. I showed them the original trilogy and then the new one. Guess what?
I don’t need to buy any Stars Wars toys anymore cos they think it sucks balls too.
despite all the hate against george lucas, i still liked him
even despite the horrible phantom menace and the clone wars
but thenn, the clone wars cartooooooonssss cameeee
and now i just want to kill lucas for fucking everything up
http://tastiq.com/lists/view/113/top-ten-reasons-star-wars-sucks/ !!!
Star Wars rules!!! Fuck you all who hate it!! Fuck you all! Fuck you!!! Star Wars IS FOREVER AND EVER!!!! You can’t kill it! It will never die!! It will continue to be the best thing that was ever created! Fanboys for life!!! Fuck yeah!
Oh, you forgot the biggest reason Star Wars sucks: George Lucas, the man who will destroy what he has created, and have people giving him money while he does it. The last good Star Wars movie was made 30 years ago. Hayden Christensen is a fantastic actor, as is Samuel L. Jackson, Liam Neeson and Ewan McGregor, and they all are LOUSY in these movies. The scripts for episodes 1, 2 and 3 make the “first” scripts look like Shakespeare, mostly because of the uncredited script doctors Lucas used. Basically, Star Wars sucks because of George Lucas and his absolute lack of imagination and storytelling skills. He hit the big time once, and never let go of it. The loss is ours.
Star Wars is, simply, lousy.
i just like to say, they had these awesome cartoons come out: starswars clone wars (the first one 2-D). then they follow up with this horrible 3-d cartoon, that is so terrible its not even funny.i went to see the first part of the series in theaters and it was enough to make me disgusted with george lucas.
i mean you make this great series, then you have a hard on to direct the prequels which could have been so much better, had he let another director take over. phantom menace was great until the pod race scene that dragged out. attack of the clones had maybe two good scenes, but the rest of the movie was a nose dive.
Then the clone wars 2-d came out and i was thrilled it was great, should have been much longer. 3rd movie could have been much better but it wasn’t. Then to add insult to injury the 3-d cartoon comes out and its like wtf george, you want us to like star wars right. i m a diehard fan, and am very disappointed.
listen to the fans or forever be held in contempt, we re part of the universe too
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