You Want Your Dark Horse Comics and Your Jones Soda, Too?

Friday, October 3rd, 2008

Then you got it! Jones Soda and Dark Horse comics are teaming up and selling Jones Soda with 6 different Limited Edition Labels featuring your favorite Dark Horse Comic Characters! Here’s what they had to say in the officialy press release:

Dark Horse Comics, known for breaking tradition and bucking trends, is excited to announce the company’s participation in the Jones Limited program at www.myjones.com with the like-minded soda maker, Jones Soda Co.

As part of this program, fans of comics and soda alike will be able to purchase collectible-themed bottles featuring some of their favorite Dark Horse characters and art. One hundred numbered and limited six-pack bottles will be available just in time for Halloween on October 7th. The program will launch with Eric Powell’s The Goon, and the iconic thirteen-year-old Emily the Strange, and will only be available at www.myjones.com. The Goon will be available on October 7 and Emily the Strange limited-edition bottles will arrive on October 14th.

MyJones was developed to create a unique and personal connection with Jones consumers by allowing them to customize their own bottles. 

In 2002, Jones Soda received the patent for the unique MyJones process, and the service continues to be one of the most popular features that Jones Soda offers today.

“This is a really fun way to expose our characters to a whole new market,” says Dark Horse President and founder Mike Richardson. “We have a lot of great ideas on how to make this partnership an exciting one and the flexibility and creativity of the Jones staff make them the perfect company for us to work with. Most importantly, we love the soda!”

“We are excited to work with such an iconic company like Dark Horse Comics that has always inspired the imagination and challenged the status quo,” says Jones Soda COO, Joth Ricci. “The spirit of these two brands will be an exciting partnership combining our premium soda and their epic characters.”

PREVIEW: Spider-Man: Web of Shadows

Friday, October 3rd, 2008

No, unfortunately I did not get to play a demo of Spider-Man: Web of Shadows, the latest Spidey game to hit the market. SHH! however did have a demo shown to them and they have written up a pretty extensive and detailed review/preview of the game (pretty much spoiler-free) that you can check out here. Here’s a small excerpt:

Professional gamers guided us through an Xbox demo of the new game and we were stunned at the level of action and detail that’s been rendered in “Web of Shadows.” Not only does Spidey move through the game with all the speed, strength and agility as the real deal certainly would, it also cleverly uses his Spider-sense to ID and target threats and enemies, and gives him startling and dynamic levels of wall-crawling and web-slinging skills in an enormous playing field that makes the player feel like they’re smack in the middle of the New York cityscape where the action can literally go anywhere. It’s as if the player has been dropped in the middle of the most enormous action scene any of Sam Raimi’s movies could come up with. And throughout the relentless battles, Spider-Man retains that classic Peter Parker sense of humor, spouting a running series of quips and one-liners conceived by comic book writer Brian Reed.

Few game announcements have given this robot a preemptive robo-boner by only trailers, screen shots, and game descriptions, but next to Ghostbusters, Spider-Man: Web of Shadows has done just that. This may be the Spider-Man game we have all been waiting for and what Spider-Man 3 probably should have been; or it could be a massive disappointment.

Pass judgement when the game drops on October 21!

Short Film!!!!

Friday, October 3rd, 2008

Some of us robots get together now and then and put together short films in our spare time. This one was put together in about five hours, we got less then 200 hits on youtube, So we are posting it again! Why not.

It’s funny.

Ultimates 3: Limp on Ultimatum

Friday, October 3rd, 2008
Itll take more than big ol boobies and magic ponys to float this boat.

It'll take more than big ol' boobies and magic pony's to float this boat.

Was it the hype, the drastically different art style, the sporadic release schedule? Or was Ultimates 3 simply a bland an convoluted story that was crushed under the weight of our impossible expectations? I’m not sure, but I’m sorry to say that developing Ultron into a full fledged villain was maybe the only highlight that I can recall at the moment. I have to say that the wind has been taken out of my sails as we “March on Ultimatum” - or rather, shuffle, mosey, shamble, or at best - stride on Ultimatum. Seriously, did I miss something or was the payoff really just Magneto getting really mad and Dr. Doom stealing a sinister photo-op?

Am I alone in this sentiment? Because as i look back through the last decade of Ultimate Marvel goodness and often greatness, I see events far more epic and exhilarating story arcs that could have and maybe should have functioned as the universe wide turning point that Ultimatum is intended to be. Ultimate Galactus and Ultimates 2 come to mind first and maybe the zombie stuff in Ultimate Fantastic 4 - If you haven’t read them yet, you are missing out on some super-hero gold - Perfect 10’s those ones. Ultimates 3 on the other hand, I’ll gratiously round it up to a 5.

Seriously lets take some inventory here examining only The Ultimates 1,2&3:

Captain America:

Volumes 1&2 - Single handedly disarms a nuclear missile - Kicks the Hulk’s ass after dropping a tank on him - Impales Nazi alien on the tip of a fighter jet - Kicks Hank Pym’s ass while 60 feet tall - Drops a couple dozen Shield agents in a cemetery after being shot with about 100 tranquilizer darts - “DO YOU THINK THIS LETTER ON MY HEAD STANDS FOR FRANCE!?” - Saves the world - twice.

Volume 3 - Plays dress up with T’Challa

Hulk:

Volumes 1&2 - Attempts murdering Freddie Prince Jr. - Drinks a truck full of beer - Destroys an armada of alien spaceships with his bare hands - Beats Nazi alien to a pulp, eats him and shits him out - gets blown up by an nuclear bomb - Steals a pair of pants from a fat man - Kills Abomination.

Volume 3 - (Cricket noises…)

Thor:

Volumes 1&2 - Battles entire Ultimates team - Destroys alien armada with a hammer - goes crazy - Summons an Asgardian army into battle - kills his brother - saves the world - drinks lots of beer.

Volume 3 - Bangs Valkerie.

You see where I’m going here, sure punches were thrown, people died stuff happened (sort of) but good God did Ultimates 3 ever come up short. I can only hope that Ultimatum provides a decent segue for Mark Millar to pick up the pieces next year and bring some order back to this here town.

Anyway - that’s just one bot’s opinion, what did you all think of Ultimates 3?

You Want Your Walking Dead and Invincible On Time?

Thursday, October 2nd, 2008

Then you got it!

Here’s the official Press Release. The awesomely amazing Robert Kirkman is guaranteeing that all of his titles, Walking Dead, Invincible, Brit, and Astounding Wolf-Man will be shipped by their solicited date!

PRESS RELEASE - ROBERT KIRKMAN GUARANTEES: ON-TIME IN ‘09!
All Robert Kirkman penned titles now featuring guaranteed ship dates!
2 October 2008 (Berkeley, CA) - Starting this January, Robert Kirkman gives his books the one thing fans have demanded for years - guaranteed ship dates!
“That’s right, kids, this time it’s for real,” said Kirkman. “Every single one of my titles - WALKING DEAD, INVINCIBLE, ASTOUNDING WOLF-MAN and BRIT - will now be guaranteed to ship by their solicited date. This isn’t an empty promise and I’ve taken that extra step of hiring Aubrey Sitterson, an editor for my entire line, a guy you may know from his days at Marvel.”
Aubrey Sitterson, who first worked with Kirkman on titles such as THE IRREDEEMABLE ANT-MAN and MARVEL TEAM-UP, has been quietly working with Kirkman for the last several months, ensuring the upcoming resolicited books hit their target date.
Sitterson said, “I spent years wrangling Robert at the House of Ideas. Now, I’m champing at the bit to crack the whip and mix whatever metaphors necessary to get every last one of his books out on time - no exceptions and no excuses!”
The guaranteed ship dates will begin this January, with ASTOUNDING WOLF-MAN #12, BRIT #12, INVINCIBLE #58 and THE WALKING DEAD #57.
Image Comics is a comics and graphic novels publisher formed in 1992 by a collective of best-selling artists.  Since that time, Image has gone on to become one of the largest comics publishers in the United States. There are currently five partners in Image Comics (Robert Kirkman, Erik Larsen, Todd McFarlane, Marc Silvestri, and Jim Valentino), and Image is currently divided into four major houses (Todd McFarlane Productions, Top Cow Productions, Shadowline, and Image Central). Image comics and graphic novels cover nearly every genre, sub-genre, and style imaginable, offering science fiction, romance, horror, crime fiction, historical fiction, humor, and more by the finest artists and writers working in the medium today. Visit www.imagecomics.com.

Joe Keatinge
PR & Marketing Coordinator
Image Comics

REMINDER: Geek Movie Night Tomorrow 9/28

Saturday, September 27th, 2008

<p style=”text-align: center”><a title=”Geek Show Podcast” href=”http://www.geekshowpodcast.com/” target=”_blank”><img src=”http://www.thegeekshowpodcast.com/images/header.jpg” alt=”" width=”464″ height=”116″ /></a></p>

The Geek Show Podcast is hosting, in some small conjunction with Big Shiny Robot!, the Geek Movie Night at

Brewvies in downtown Salt Lake City.

Tomorrow night, more than a few of us robots will be there watching The Empire Strikes Back on the big screen.

The show starts at five and it’s free!

(Brewvies is located at 677 South 200 Westin Salt Lake City.)

Be there or be a douche-bot.

Big Shiny Robot!s Top 100 movies 1983-2008 Part 2 (1990-1997)

Saturday, September 27th, 2008

Welcome back to another week and another addition to our top 100 of the last 25 years list.  (Check out last weeks list here.)  It’s odd that some years just have greatness concentrated into them, like 1997, at the bottom.

Be sure to leave your comments about how bad we’re screwing this up at the bottom. (recaps written by Swank-mo-tron and Dr. Cyborg.)

1990:

28. Goodfellas (IMDb) -”Go home and get your fuckin’ shine box!” ‘Nuff said. (Trailer)

29. Millers Crossing (IMDb) - Joel and Ethan Coen have created the third “Swiss Watch” screenplay on the Big Shiny Robot! list. This film is so wonderfully written and with a cast in perfect form (Gabriel Byrne, Albert Finney, John Turturro, among others) that it’s hard to believe. This film is also an exercise in opposites: Funny and Noir, Sentimental and Cold, Loyalty and Betrayal. And the whole time, the Coens are one step ahead of the rest of us. (Trailer)

1991:

30. JFK (IMDb) - Oliver Stone crafted a masterpiece of American cinema that casts further suspicion on one of the most questioned events in the history of the United States. A striking note about this film is that it keeps you on the edge of your seat, even though all you’re really doing is listening to people sit around a table (literally) and talk about what happened. And the film is so thrilling that you can easily watch it (it clocks in over 3 hours) and then spend that much time and more discussing it afterwards, it’s that full of revelation. And this movie is so good that it earns Kevin Costner a pass on Waterworld and the Postman. (Trailer)

1992:

31. Reservoir Dogs (IMDb) - An unsuccessful independent filmmaker once asked Quentin Tarantino at a comic-con appearance, “How do I make an independent film as successful as Reservoir Dogs?” Quintin Tarantino replied, “You need to make a movie that kicks ass, you need to drop nitroglycerin on the audience’s lap, you need to blow them away. Reservoir Dogs did that, it kicks ass. So what I am saying is, if your movie isn’t popular it’s because it doesn’t kick enough ass!” Well said Mr. Tarantino. (Trailer)

32. Glengarry Glen Ross (IMDb) - If you were to tell us to watch a movie about a bunch of guys trying to sell real estate, we would probably tell you to take a flying fuck at a rolling donut. But this movie not only makes Dr. Cyborg regret ever telling that to his robot mother, but it also tells him that he was completely wrong. This is a terrific screen play by David Mamet, with lots of good characters, played by dynamite actors (including Jack Lemmon, Al Pacino, Alec Baldwin and Kevin Spacey.) (Trailer)

1993:

33. Jurassic Park (IMDb) - Although this movie is ridiculed amongst us robots for it’s blatant disregard of what the “Jurassic Period” even is, (Tyrannosaurus didn’t even live until the late Cretaceous, Duh!!!) we still love it all the same. A healthy mix of suspense and horror, This movie is fun for the whole family. And you have got to appreciate the fact that they made this movie look amazing, without going all out CG, although when they did use it, it was still breathtaking. (Remember the moment they first see the Brachiosaur?) It’s ridiculous that this movie actually made a dinosaur cool I.E. school children talking about Velociraptors, etc. (True Story: this movie is where most of us robots picked up the skills to hack a Linux machine.) (Trailer)

34. Schindlers List (IMDb) - It’s downright unbelieveable to think that one man could get two films on this list in the same year and deserve both slots equally, but Steven Spielberg figured out how to do it and we can’t think of a more mismatched pair of movies for a director to crank out in the same year. If theres one thing that makes a robot want to cry and kill all humans, it’s watching a barbaric group of humans kill other humans. All kidding aside, this movie is heartbreaking and deserves every accolade it received. It should also be required viewing for everyone. Period. (Trailer)

35. True Romance (IMDb) - We didn’t think Tony Scott would make it on the list, but here we are, and with a movie that actually belongs on the list, maybe not for the direction but for the witty screenplay, and memorable supporting roles. Were not just talking about Gary Oldman the pimp either, although that mother fucker surely demonstrated how well he can transform, but also Christopher Walken, Dennis Hopper, and Brad Pitt. If we were going to do this list in order, this one might be at the bottom, but a really fun movie none the less. (Trailer)

1994:

36. Leon (aka The Professional) (IMDb) - This film is Luc Beeson’s masterpiece. A perfect blend of drama and action, every film involving gun-play and a showdown owes everything to this film. It’s rare to see an action film of this caliber that has an emotional climax equal to or exceeding the action one, but this film has a heart to it that is unparalleled in this genre. (Trailer)

37. Pulp Fiction (IMDb) - Not only one of the best movies in the last 25 years, one of the best movies ever made. Not just entertaining, but also brilliant. To prove it’s brilliance I have designed a fool proof way to demonstrate it’s brilliance. How I intend to do this? By asking a question. Could a movie that wasn’t brilliant bring John Trovolta back? I didn’t think so. This movie changed the way that people watch movies, and is one of the most influential movies ever made. Mixing raw witticism, great character, brutal reality, and genius story telling. This movie has it all. (Trailer)

38. Ed Wood (IMDb) - A film about the worst filmmaker to ever live is somehow inspirational. A feat in and of itself, but then being utterly brilliant and funny wasn’t enough either, they had to get some of the best actors giving the best performances of their lives as well. It’s about a transvestite that was born to be something that he just couldn’t understand, and not only could he not understand it, but his every instinct, mathematically wrong. If Johnny Depp was going to be nominated for an Academy Award, I wish it were for this and not Pirates of the Caribbean. (Trailer)

39. Quiz Show (IMDb) - This understated Robert Redford film is considered one of the best films of all time by a few of the Robot’s on the staff and deserves many more accolades than it’s received. Quiz Show tells the true story of the rigging of television quiz shows in the fifties and the witch hunt that ensued. Many people will point to John Turturro and Ralph Fiennes as the outstanding performance in the film, but all the credit belongs to Rob Morrow, who needs to act in more movies. This film should also get some type of Best Cameo award for Redford’s use of Martin Scorsese as a sleazy Geritol executive. (Trailer)

40. Shawshank Redemption (IMDb) - Although this film, to some degree, is vastly overrated (#1 of all time according to IMDb users, seriously?), it is a great film and deserving of it’s place on lists like this. Frank Darabont took a Stephen King short story and turned it into a fantastic film that each and everyone of you has seen. (Trailer)

1995:

41. Se7en (IMDb) - David Fincher’s breakout film (though in some circles Alien 3 is considered his first masterpiece, Se7en redefined the genre of serial killer investigation films in a way that is mimicked (though nowhere near as capably) to this day. The performances all stand out, but Kevin Spacey’s most of all in the sort of role that Orson Welles made famous with The Third Man. (Trailer)

42. Twelve Monkeys (IMDb) - (This was a good year for Brad Pitt) This movie is truly brilliant science fiction. Telling the story of a dying future that sends a psychotic convict into the past to hopefully save them, this movie is extremely well constructed creating most of it’s own mythos. It was indeed a perfect fit for director Terry Gilliam who really gets across his own unique vision and isn’t afraid to tell an epic story without pandering to the lowest common denominator. (Trailer)

43. Dead Man (IMDb) - Another Jim Jarmusch film, that follows William Blake (Johnny Depp) to a boomtown in the old west where he thinks he has a job. Things quickly take a turn for the worst when he ends up sleeping with a woman and she ends up being shot while in bed with him. He is then pursued by assassins as he makes a getaway through some pretty weird shit. Definitely one of the best Jarmusch films, and definitely the best Iggy Pop cameo that we can think of. Extremely well made and told at an extremely odd pace all we can say about it is that we love this movie. (Trailer)

1996:

44. Hard Eight (aka Sydney) (IMDb) - PT Anderson is a filmmaker that we all hold dear to our hearts and his first film is something out of a dream. Phillip Baker Hall and John C. Reilly make scenes that seem as though they shouldn’t work sizzle and then Anderson throws Samuel L. Jackson and Gwyenth Paltrow into the pot and you’ve got something truly special. If you haven’t seen this film, you owe it to yourself to see it as quickly as possible. (Trailer)

44. Mother Night (IMDb) - Perhaps the most faithful adaptation of Kurt Vonnegut’s work ever put to film, Mother Night is a smart spy thriller that keeps you alternating between laughing and tense at the edge of your seat. Nick Nolte, Alan Arkin and Sheryl Lee prop up a cast that make this film perfect in every way. If you watch only one trailer from this entire list of movies, however, make it this one. It’s perhaps the best trailer ever cut in the history of cinema. (Trailer)

46. Fargo (IMDb) - There is no question that the Coen brothers know how to make a good movie, this isn’t there first masterpiece, and it certainly isn’t their last, but even still this movie stands out in the crowd. Funny as any comedy that comes into my recollection, but also shocking and serious. This is based on a true story and won two well deserved Academy Awards. (Trailer)

1997:

47. L.A. Confidential (IMDb) - Easily one of the best modern noirs ever made, Curtis Hanson and Brian Helgeland adapted an unfilmable novel into a cohesive screenplay that keeps you on the edge of your seat for it’s entire running time. Solid all the way through, this is, quite possibly, Hanson’s greatest achievement as a director. The tone of the film and the feel of the locations and time are echoed in casting choices, the music and the look of the actual film, turing this into one of the few actual tour de force sort of films in cinema history. (Trailer)

48. Live Flesh (IMDb) - Pedro Almodovar delivers what many claim to be a masterpiece in this small and subtle relationship drama. With Javier Bardem and Penelope Cruz toplining this film, it’s an almost fairy-tale look at infidelity and human nature. (Trailer)

49. As Good As It Gets (IMDb) - It’s hard to get a robot to watch any movie about human interaction, unless that interaction is killing. This is one of those delightful exceptions. Telling the story of Melvin Udall, an obsessive compulsive writer, whom is forced to change for the good of the human race. It is witty, funny, and somehow romantic. (Trailer)

50. Wag the Dog (IMDb) - Written by David Mamet and Directed by Barry Levinson, this film was shot in just a few weeks while Levinson was waiting for special effects to be completed on his failure, Sphere. With an all-star cast led by Robert DeNiro and Dustin Hoffman, this is one of the funniest and most relevant comedies every to grace the genre of biting social commentary. (Trailer)

51. Life is Beautiful (IMDb) - This film is gloomy and hard to watch but equally funny, and romantic. Of course us robots don’t cry, but our optical receptors were certainly a little soggy when we watched this movie. Guido (Benigni) turns out to be quite a good director (when he isn’t trying to play Pinocchio.) We certainly think this movie has a spot on the top 100, although we’re not sure how much re-watchability it has, just because it’s so damn sad. (Trailer)

52. The Sweet Hereafter (IMDb) - Atom Egoyan’s film follows Ian Holm as an ambulance chasing lawyer going door to door soliciting his services to parents of children who died in a horrible bus crash, this film is the personification of understated beauty. It also captures a wonderful ambiguity in the filmmaking that forces you to put your logic circuits to good use. (Trailer)

So, join us next week for Part 3.  And if you missed it last week, here’s Part 1.

REVIEW: Mega Man 9!!!!!

Thursday, September 25th, 2008

Capcom has done it again, as expected by at least one robot. Me. This game kicks ass!
As most of you know, they took it back to the basics and made a really challenging Mega Man game, with most of the same functions as Mega Man 1. I think this game in ways seems harder then the original except for the fact that you are aloud to purchase extra lives, and energy tanks pretty much whenever you want. Making it harder, but then easier at the exact same time. I would address that as a complaint, if I had the spirit left in me to master another impossible Mega Man game. The fact is this makes it more accessible to more players and so I think it’s a good choice.

Mega Man 9 is the feel good game of the year! -Slugtron

Also if you don’t think it’s challenging enough they are releasing challenge upgrades, so that you can play on hard, and very hard modes. I think it is lame to sell content like that for more money, but I still might buy an upgrade. There is one upgrade for a bonus stage, and at this point that would be the first and only one I am tempted to try.

The story in it is actually pretty rad, rather then Dr. Wily’s robots, you are fighting Dr. Lights robots gone mad. It begins with Dr. Wily on the news saying he has changed his ways and he wants to help, and to arrest Dr. Light. Which happens. It is also a cool touch that when you enter the boss cages there are Dr. Light symbols.

It has a nice sounding sound track. I think some of the weapons are pretty cool my favorite being “Hornet Chaser” but there are others that are pretty lame, “concrete shot” for example.
Just like the first games the bosses seem to have pretty set patterns, and just because you have the weapon that kills them, doesn’t mean they won’t work you.

With the bosses, just like the weapons there are some cool ones, and there are some lame ones. My favorite boss being “Galaxy Man” lamest being “Hornet Man”

Dr. Wily’s stage is difficult, but fun. In my opinion there are a few to many instant deaths. Dr. Wily isn’t that challenging himself (or maybe he is, but I am just that good?) but by the time I got to him I was rejoicing in the fact I didn’t have to continue in order to figure him out. So to sum it up this game is rad, 153 out of 156 stars.

If I wasn’t mandated by the B.S.R.B to stop handing out phony prescriptions, then I would tell sick kids this would cure their cancer!

Heroes Season Three Season Premier Roundtable (Sort Of)

Tuesday, September 23rd, 2008

Humanjunk: I’m very happy to see the show return with such a bang. Between Hiro being his awesomely naive self and opening up a pandoras box, Sylar giving Clair a lobotomy, Future Peter fucking up everything up, Suresh pulling a Brundlefly and Nikki becoming Mrs. Freeze, it was a fanboy’s wet dream. A much better start than the last lackluster season. I can’t help but think that this is what the X-Men movies should have been. And what a way to kick off with the introduction of what we really needed: villains. Can’t wait for the rest of the season.

 

Arse-Bot: I too thought this was a GREAT start to the new season with a nearly flawless 2 hour season premier. It’s dark and brooding, exciting, smart, and just everything us superhero fanboys were looking for in a series about people with special abilities! I really enjoy how this season they are mixing science with faith and asking the question are these God-given abilities, or is there scientific basis around it? And of course it’s heavy on the time travel and Butterfly effect that has always seemed to be at the forefront of Heroes (Ando and Hiro?! WTF?!). Glad the new season has started up, can’t wait for next Monday!

 

Swank-Mo-Tron: You lousy bastards!  I just started Heroes about a week ago and am 14 episodes in…  So, I’m not participating, but hopefully by the next roundtable or two, I’ll be caught up…. 

 

Humanjunk: Well, my programing doesn’t include belief in God, so I’ll have to say that Nathan’s newfound faith is due to severe blood loss. I’m rather skeptical about the injection of powers and Ando seeming to have some in the future, as the human element in the show added a sense of reality. Once everyone has powers, what’s the point. I mean, isn’t that why Bendis did House of M? To make mutants a minority again?

 

Swank, we’re both glad you’re not participating. No one likes you.

 

Arse-Bot: Agreed with wanting to keep the human factor involved with Ando. I thought that the injection of powers was COMPLETELY out of character for Dr. Suresh), so if I had to point out one negative about the Heroes premiere, that would be it. He’s always been the intelligent, collected, sometimes naive Dr. and now he’s injecting himself with super powers. Maybe I missed that characer progression in season two somewhere…

 

Humanjunk: I totally agree with the vein spiking of Suresh. Two seasons of him being the pragmatic and rational character of the show and all of a sudden he’s a power hungry mad scientist? Seems rather inconsistent to me. It is a con to this new season, but, if it turns him inside out and he starts to vomit acid on to his food and prey then I’m cool with it. Sureshfly 4 life!

Trashtalk

Monday, September 22nd, 2008

Greetings all, I apologize for my absence but I just got released from rehab for a sex addiction (compulsively masturbating in my own feces) not unlike our favorite David Duchovny.

Studios are hoping to redeem shitty franchises that raped the souls of comic book fans everywhere by rebooting failed flicks. But you know what? It needs to stop. Warner Bros. has announced that because Bryan Singer’s whatever sequel Superman Returns made no sense (was that dumb ass kid Superman’s son with Lois; did Lois know that Clark and Superman were the same person; why was Cyclops in the movie, who gives a shit?) and was two and half hours too long they’re redoing the franchise from scratch. Great, cool, another Superman movie. I wonder what will happen? Will he save people from disasters? Get sick from Kryptonite? Fly around? Hm, I wonder. They’ve also announced that Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are getting a third revamp as the computer animated flick that was released last year made audiences shit blood. Yeah, we all grew up with those loveable green amphibians and they helped shape us to the nerds we are today, but it’s a dead franchise. Let it rest in piece. You don’t see Christians revamping the Bible left and right, well, okay, that’s a bad analogy, Christians are the worst. We’ve got Punisher: Warzone; a remake of the shitty Thomas Jane version that was a remake of the shitty Dolph Lundgren version. I’m at a point where I’ll just fucking watch Death Wish, it’s The Punisher without all the shitty aspects of a movie trying to redeem another movie. My tip for all of you: Don’t see Punisher: Warzone – Rent Death Wish.

And we’ve all been covering the news on the developing Ghostbusters III: The Search for Curly’s Gold here at BSR! and I have to say that I’m looking forward to it ever so much, because not only will we have all the original cast members returning to rape a perfectly good franchise from our childhood (a la Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull) but they will return swollen from years of age and flops (we’re looking at you Ernie Hudson). And, I’m sure we can look forward to it being a 90-minute preview for Ghostbusters IV, starring Seth Rogan, Dave Chappell, Will Farrell and Owen Wilson. What a cast!

Well, until the next unwanted opinion of everyone’s favorite robot (it might be about Wolverine: Origins). Cheers!