“Beauty and the Beast” and “Arrow” posters are…something.

We ladies of the Big Shiny Girlcast discovered this new Beauty and the Beast poster this morning and had to share it with you. The show, which is set to air this fall on the CW, has launched this poster in what is obviously yet another attempt to ‘Pied Piper’ all the young, vulnerable women in to watch the premier. I mean, how could you resist? (I really hope the sarcasm hits you here, readers.)

Beauty and the Beast promo poster

Look at this guy (Vincent…Keller, wait, really?) – he’s got the Photoshopped-beyond-reason features we all look for in a man! Bony vampire cheekbones with a dangerous-looking (but hinting at vulnerable) fake scar; bronzed, glowing eyeballs intended to pierce your soul; and, of course, a slightly moist, pouty mouth that signals, “Hey, I’m dangerous, but you should still want to jump me.”

Please. To quote Darcy, “So that guy’s a beast cause he’s got a wicked sexy scar?! COME ON.”

But wait, there are not one but TWO amazing posters like this being promoted right now? How could I not mention the Arrow poster in which Oliver Queen has been turned into a Playgirl cover model. Stephen Amell is back ladies – prepare yourself for his…whatever this is:

 I think Bizzarobot really hit it this morning when she told me, “1. If you have big scars – you also have little ones. In medical terminology it is called a ‘satelite wound.’ Most things that leave BIG, you-need-stitches style scars are not singular stab wounds. So, the make-up here looks just plain dumb. 2. His face looks like a baby’s arse with stubble. They must be forcing that actor to keep a ‘5 o’clock shadow’ because, without it, his doe-like eyes and perfect, smooth skin would make him look a little too much like ‘tween bait.”

Yep. Personally, I don’t even know what to say about this, other than, I do not find myself attracted to it at all. Oliver Queen in the comics was usually portrayed as a strong looking archer with a goatee and long-ish, untamed hair that shouted “I am too damn busy being the hero that Star City needs to give a shit about what I look like!” (and, I need to add, he never had much trouble getting the ladies.) Here, it’s more like, “Oh, yeah, I’ll totally go put an arrow into any villains that cross my path, but first I need to make sure my perfectly waxed abs will reflect the moonlight!”

Bleck. If anyone needs me I’ll be somewhere washing all of this out of my brain.